No Kvetching Allowed Here!

A couple of years ago, one of my close friends, a woman I mentored for many years, sent me a plaque for my kitchen wall that she knew I would appreciate. It says “No Kvetching Allowed Here!”  Kvetching is a wonderfully expressive word in Yiddish (the Jewish cultural language) that means COMPLAINING. Doesn’t the word “Kvetch” even sound like a whiney complaint? 

You can be a Kvetch (a complainer) or you can Kvetch (the act of complaining or kvetching). Noun or verb, it doesn’t matter which—it means you’re an emotional drain on yourself and everyone else around you!

Complaining—or kvetching—is an habitual glass-half-empty approach to life. And complainers aren’t content to stew in their own misery, unhappiness with the world around them, and all the people they judge to fall short. They feel compelled to share it with the world! But does everyone else want to hear it? Not likely. I remember, when people would ask my grandfather how he was, he would say: “Fine! What’s the use of complaining? No one wants to hear it anyway.”   

Whether a Kvetch wants to build support to justify his or her point of view, just desires to feel “heard,” or wants to make someone else bend to their will, it’s a dead-end tactic. The noisy wheel seldom really does get the grease. Whining and complaining usually achieves just the opposite tack, it stymies real change because people don’t like or want to accommodate a person who is an unpleasant annoyance. “You get more bees with honey” is a far better strategy than “being a noisy wheel.” 

And worse, the negative energy continues a pattern of unconsciously attracting more of what the Kvetch doesn’t want. Remember, you attract that on which you focus your attention!

Most of us are not even aware of our own Kvetching. We’re just commenting on things we don’t like. And we may even surround ourselves with other Kvetchs for comfort. Kvetches tend to reinforce each other’s negative views on life.

But what if you made your sphere of influence—your home, your work, your social environment—a Kvetch-Free Zone? How might your life change?

· You’ll be happier, no longer weighed down by all those negative words and thoughts

· You’ll raise your personal frequency and may begin manifesting more positive experiences

· You’ll have more upbeat, positive friends

· Your family and friends will notice a new lightness in you and may even follow suit

· People will more likely do what you recommend or suggest since you aren’t being critical

· You’ll become a more endearing and lovable person that creates light wherever you go!

How do you break yourself of the Kvetching habit?

· When someone asks you how you are—tell them all the good things and skip the bad!

· Start a little daily journal and write down every complaint or negative comment that comes out of your mouth. (OOPs, was that me! Did I say that?) This will be illuminating because you’ll realize how much of your daily conversation is complaining!

· Punish yourself for every complaint. Put a dollar in a jar for charity or give another dollar tip to the next waiter or waitress that serves you.

· Make a pact with someone you love (a spouse, sibling, parent, close friend) to have them gently point out when you are complaining again.

· Note when other people are Kvetching, but don’t correct them and don’t commiserate. It’s your little wake-up call making you aware that this is what you sound like. 

· Post signs in your home “No Kvetching Allowed Here” wherever you spend time talking to others—near the phone, on your computer, on your mirror where you start your day, in the kitchen when you are making dinner for your family, spouse or significant other. You can substitute the word “Whining” if you choose.

· Set an intention to stop complaining, and ask your guides and angels to tap you on the shoulder before you say something negative, so that you can reframe your thought. You then have a choice to either say nothing at all or to say it differently.

So I encourage you to break the habit of Kvetching before it costs you friends, a job, clients, a relationship, or a peaceful, joyful and prosperous life! You can become a Kveller instead—someone who Kvells or speaks effusively about how wonderful things are!